Baking Dreams

A while ago, a friend who used to live in U.S. complained that she had nearly ZERO public transport where she stayed, and without a car it was impossible to get alone.

Private bus companies did run an occasional service, but tickets were expensive and service terrible.

My friend had a baby there. There was no paid maternity leave or child support.

Public service was at times dismal - bureaucracy and red tape got in the way of healthcare, funding, and getting a lot of things done.

It made me very sad to hear all this. Linkspam on how America can be backwards compared to other countries - and it's not because I'm comparing it with Europe. So many parts of Asia too is way ahead already on this matter.

And yet America operates as if it's the number 1 superpower in the world.


Ways that America was still backwards in 2013:
http://www.neontommy.com/news/2013/12/11-ways-america-was-still-backwards-2013


6 ways America is like a 3rd world country:
http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/six-ways-america-is-like-a-third-world-country-20140305


Biking habits. LOL.
http://www.onthecommons.org/magazine/one-surprising-reason-america-lags-behind-world-bikes


A superpower that's just...
http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/peterfoster/100142791/amazing-quaint/


Agree with this one - manners of folks. (I've had a lot of this with customer service and trying to get help in US. Add it to the fact that many Americans i've run into just don't know much about the world outside of America. More education is needed.
http://thoughtcatalog.com/dan-ashley/2014/02/americans-are-rude-thoughtless-and-inconsiderate-how-far-will-we-go/

"Someone once told me this: Love is a rubber band. It can either be stretched to its limit so that it can hold the most number of things, or it can be stretched till it breaks. If you stretch till it breaks, it means that the relationship will not last. The one who stretches the rubber band is reality. No matter how much two lovers love each other, reality will stretch that love. Whether it holds or breaks doesn't just depend on how strong the love is. It depends on how aggressively reality is stretching as well."

"Have you broken a rubber band before?"

"Who hasn't?"

- Low Kay Hwa, A Singapore Love Story

Every semester, I have to supervise interns for end-of-term projects. So far, there's been a huge variation in the quality of projects delivered - most were okay-ish, a few were stellar, and some were borderline passes.

This semester, I've got two interns who, sadly, have zero motivation, are on the verge of giving up, and have made the huge mistake of picking the most difficult topic imaginable simply because they "liked it".


Taking this matter to God...


Me: Father, this is such a BAD idea. I don't want them to screw up.

God: My child, you have to let them make this mistake.

Me: Eh???

God: They will learn only if they fail. You have to give them the permission to fail.

Me: *pauses a while* But... I don't want to.

God: My child, everyday, MILLIONS of my children make the wrong choices. I do not condemn them. I promise however, to fully redeem them.

Me: *is quiet*  I understand... I've been redeemed, too.

God: I will always operate in love, and will take you in no matter how defiled, messed up, or sinful you are (or you THINK you are), and I will restore you even BEFORE you've sorted yourself out. I am always ready to welcome you, and I am always with you. Simply because you are my child and I love you...

From Buzzfeed (mostly) and TwistedSifter  :)

If you didn't know, I absolutely love to cook. Creating something in the kitchen is such a joy, especially if you get to share the tasty outcomes with others :)

Am compiling these lists for future references. Hehehe...


1) Twelve Easy ways to cook eggs in a microwave

See:  www.buzzfeed.com/arielknutson/easy-ways-to-cooks-eggs-in-a-microwave





2) Breakfast hacks!

See: www.buzzfeed.com/arielknutson/easy-breakfast-hacks-that-will-make-brighten-your-morning





3) Ways to eat an Apple

See: www.buzzfeed.com/christinebyrne/28-ways-to-eat-apples-this-fall





4) For Oreo lovers :D

See: www.buzzfeed.com/lindsayn8/mouth-watering-ways-to-eat-an-oreo



(I like no. 14: DEEP FRIED OREOS. Whoot)



5) Vegan Sandwiches! Yum!

See: www.buzzfeed.com/leonoraepstein/pieces-of-vegan-sandwich-porn





6) Awesome Yoghurt toppings!

See: www.buzzfeed.com/emofly/healthy-yogurt-toppings






7) Absolutely Health Hamburger Alternatives. I love this one!!!

See: www.buzzfeed.com/emofly/healthy-hamburger-alternatives





8) OMFG. BREAD PUDDING :D :D :D -  24 Ways to Make different types of Bread Pudding~~

See: www.buzzfeed.com/christinebyrne/ways-to-eat-bread-pudding





9) Food in a Food!

See: twistedsifter.com/2012/11/snacks-dishes-served-inside-other-foods/






10) I absolutely love Zucchini

See: www.buzzfeed.com/rachelysanders/delicious-ways-to-use-zucchini-recipes





11) Grilled Salads, anyone?

See: www.buzzfeed.com/christinebyrne/grilled-salads





12) An Ode to Pies

See: www.buzzfeed.com/rachelysanders/pies-that-would-make-perfect-summer-homes
Also see: www.buzzfeed.com/rachelysanders/hand-pies-are-the-best-and-cutest-pies

Even so many years after its release (and a 3D release), the Titanic movie still remains one of the most re-watched movies of all times (according to my students, at least).




For the most part, those I've encountered tend to remember Titanic as either

(i) a sappy Romance that crosses all social and economical boundaries, completed with memories that transcend time, OR
(ii) a reminder of Maritime and Boat safety regulations.


Few knew, however, that director James Cameron, saw the Titanic as a metaphor for climate change:

"There’s something about the Titanic. For me, it’s so much more than just simply an exercise in forensic archaeology. Part of the Titanic parable is of arrogance, of hubris, of the sense we’re too big to fail. Well where have we heard that one before? [Video of a sea of burning oil platforms] There was this big machine, this human system that was pushing forward with so much momentum that it couldn’t turn and couldn’t stop in time to avert the disaster. And that’s what we have right now! But in that human system, on board that ship, if you want to make it a microcosm of the world, you have different classes, you know you have first class, second class, third class. Well in our world right now you’ve got developed nations and undeveloped nations. You’ve got the starving millions who are going to be the ones the most affected by the next iceberg that we hit. Which is going to be climate change. We can see that iceberg ahead of us right now but we can’t turn. We can’t turn because of the momentum of the system – the political momentum, the business momentum. There are too many people making money out of the system. The way the system works right now, those people who frankly have their hands on the levers of power aren’t ready to let them go. And until they do, we aren’t going to be able to turn and miss that iceberg we’re going to hit. When we hit it, the rich are still going to be able to get their access to food, to arable land, to water and so on. It’s going to be the poor, it’s going to be the steerage, that are going to be impacted. It was the same with the Titanic. I think that’s why this story was always fascinating. Because it’s a perfect little encapsulation of the world and the whole social spectrum. But until our lives are really put at risk, the moment of truth, we don’t know what we would do. And that’s my final word."

Source: http://montreal2012.wordpress.com/2012/04/16/james-cameron-the-titanic-as-a-metaphor-for-climate-crisis/



Another metaphor for Titanic comes in its final analysis: Eternal Distinction

Titanic is a movie of distinctions. The Rich vs Poor; tea-drinkers who hold delicate teacups compared to lower-decked beer-slurping thugs. The Educated vs Simple; of classically-entertained folk contrasting against roguish games. The Famous and the Unknown. The Upper Deck vs The Lower Deck.

Yet after the Titanic sank, at a time when people were scrambling for news of the ship that crashed on its maiden voyage, the newspapers only published two columns: those who were Saved, and, those who were Lost.

It reminds me of Jesus Christ.

In eternal distinction, EVERYTHING - class, education, entertainment, associations - starkly pales in comparison to whether one Made it or Didn't. Human presumption of all that matters cannot replace our worth and value in the eyes of God.

Titanic is then, a metaphor for the inevitability of death, and we are all on the Titanic.

All things of this world will eventually fade, but we have a high priest in heaven - Jesus Christ - who loves us - regardless of our looks, money, background, achievements (or lack of them), our past, our mistakes, and any future mishaps we may have. Jesus Christ came to demonstrate that God is for us, and not against us (Romans 8:31), and that there is nothing, NOTHING, that can separate us from the love of God (Romans 8:38-39).

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his son to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."  -  John 3: 16-17

 
As a child, Whitney Houston was my best-loved singer. 

Whitney was a testament that true singers had a gift with the voice. She didn't need backup dancers, sexual innuendo, nudity, or the sound-effect frills that plague too many modern tunes these days. I felt great sorrow when she passed on on Feb 11, 2012. 

Her voice will always be loved and remembered by many. 

My favourite was the ballad, Didn't we almost have it all. 

Touching and deeply soulful, Whitney's voice belted out lyrics describing a love that was once pure and now gone. 12 years ago, soon after I broke up with my first love, I listened to it continuously for nearly a year (and on-and-off). 

The song still touches me today. It's a classic that I'll always return to. 


Watch youtube at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfSTqtv1dc8





Remember when we held on in the rain
The nights we almost lost it
Once again we can take the night into tomorrow
Living on feelings
Touching you I feel it all again

Chorus:
Didn't we almost have it all
When love was all we had worth giving?
The ride with you was worth the fall my friend
Loving you makes life worth living
Didn't we almost have it all
The nights we held on till the morning
You know you'll never love that way again
Didn't we almost have it all

The way you used to touch me felt so fine
We kept our hearts together down the line 
A moment in the soul can last forever
Comfort and keep us
Help me bring the feeling back again

(Chorus)

Bridge
Didn't we have the best of times
when love was young and new
couldn't we reach inside and find 
the love of me and you
we'll never lose it again
cause once you know what love is you'll never let it end

Chorus:
Didn't we almost have it all
The night we held on till the morning
You know you'll never love that way again
Didn't we almost have it all
Didn't we almost have it all
(End)

 

"The devil wants you to be looking at you. When you feel guilty, you're looking at yourself.When you look at yourself, you'll see shortcomings and ugliness. But God sees us in Christ, and in His eyes, we are holy, righteous, and full of glory. Don't focus on yourself. Keep your focus on Christ." - Pastor Joseph Prince


I don't usually write about the bible, but today I felt compelled to do so. I read a Solid Rock magazine today and one of the articles really caught my attention. The message, preached by Pastor Joseph Prince, is worth sharing. 

"For the law was taught through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ." -- John 1:17

According to the article, God's grace came through Christ's sacrifice on the cross and believers should no longer be living in guilt and condemnation. There is nothing wrong with the law - the law is holy, but it can't make us holy. The law is righteous, but it can't make us righteous.

Therefore, only grace, not law, can cause people to be holy. Under the law, you have broken all of God's commandments when you break one. Under grace - believing ONE thing - that you are righteous because of the blood of Jesus christ - allows Jesus to become OUR righteousness. The covering of Jesus' blood lets God see us the way he sees Jesus - complete, unblemished, holy, and loved just as God loved his precious son. 

The article did cautioned that living under grace, however, is no excuse to sin. He explained that the law brings unrest; people abide by the rules because of the rules. But for those who rest under grace, they can walk with God and will want to do what is right because they have received His love. Only grace itself, can transform the heart. 

Pastor Joseph Prince shared that he used to preach law and sin until God showed him a revelation in the Bible. He found that the children of Israel lived under pure grace in their journey from Egypt to Mt Sinai. They kept complaining but God never punished them. However, when they chose self-righteousness at the foot of Mount Sinai by saying, "All that the Lord says we can do," (Exodus 19:8) God let them live under the law since they asked for it. And because they placed themselves under the law and were unholy, God had to keep a distance and punish them from that time on whenever they complained.

In the bible, there were only two persons - the Roman centurion and the Canaanite woman - whom Jesus said had "great faith". Pastor Prince enquired why this was so, and God revealed that it's because they were both Gentiles. Gentiles, during those days, were not under the law. Therefore, they were not under condemnation and did not disqualify themselves from receiving. Instead, they were conscious of the grace of Jesus Christ. 

It is important to note that law and grace CANNOT be mixed. Many preachers do try to balance the presentation of grace and law. But, what man calls "balance", Jesus calls "mixture". Jesus himself once said that the new wine of grace cannot be put into the old wineskin of law, because you will lose both. It is either being completely under law or under grace. 


"Moreover the law entered that the offense might abound. But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more" - Romans 5:20


The main takeaway, I feel, is to understand what EXACTLY is Grace. Grace is the UNEARNED, UNMERITED, and UNDESERVED favour of God. We do not receive it by trying to be deserving of it, by our own works and effort. We receive it simply by believing that Jesus died for our sins. God hates sin as it destroys lives and relationships, but sin is not overcome by our own works or relying on our willpower to overcome it. The devil will constantly remind us, "You still EXPECT God's blessing after you messed up again?" This is when we must remind ourselves that Christ alone, is our perfection and righteousness. None of us are without faults, and none of us infallible humans are qualified for God's blessing by our own merit. That is WHY we plead the grace of God - which is again, which is the unearned, unmerited, and deeply, deeply, undeserving love of the Father towards us.

Something to think about.

I have been feeling suicidal for many, many, months.

Crying the self to sleep almost daily. Eating habits out of whack. In the past two years I've lost a lot of weight, and then gained it back in the most demoralizing fashion. Work is thoroughly exhausting; am almost not coping. Some mornings I wake up, and it's like there's no reason to live anymore.

(I don't think I will actually die, but the depression's overwhelming.

I am a teacher now. Everyday I deal with the kids - their problems, their issues, their families. I hear them out, encourage them, help them in school, and tell them how they've got so much to give. We counsel people, inspire them, show them the things of the world. But as Teachers, we're not allowed to be depressed. We're not allowed to be weak. We're not allowed to fail or falter. Not allowed to complain how hard it is. We must always be strong, always be others' pillar of support, always be willing to give ourselves to others who're troubled and in need. But who will look after us when we are down or depressed?

No one.

I can't tell anyone the truth.

I can't verbalize the pain. I can't tell my colleagues, my family, my friends. I've hinted to my BFF that I feel like dying on gchat, and i mostly receive 'awwws' and 'hugs' in a slightly comforting manner. Yet the trap of my deranged mind prevails. The paralysis is awful.

There is nothing that hurts you so much as your secrets.

Sometimes it feels like I can just die alone in my apartment and no one would notice. My work would just hire another person. My father or brothers wouldn't give much of a damn. My mother never loved me anyway, so she wouldn't give two hoots if i were dead or alive.

I've asked God to bring me out. He's assured me many times, he will bring forth healing, the future will be better, and that I will always be a child of God. By His Grace, I have been given the gift of tongues and gift of visions, for which I am grateful for.

So many critical decisions to make. I can't make them, for I can't bear the responsibility if something goes wrong.

So I'm crying out to God, in prayer.


Dear Father,
I need you. I acknowledged I have sinned against you for trying overly hard to direct my own life, without resting in your providence. I thank you that you have forgiven my sins through Christ's death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as you commanded me to be filled, and as you promised in your Word, that you would do it if i asked in faith. I pray this all in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank you for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit.
Amen.

Nothing Gold Can Stay
(Robert Frost)

Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay.

passage from The Alchemist...

A camel driver of a caravan talks about 'present'

"I'm alive," he said to the boy, as they ate a bunch of dates one
night, with no fires and no moon. "When I'm eating, that's all I think
about. If I'm on the march, I just concentrate on marching. If I have
to fight, it will be just as good a day to die as any other.

"Because I don't live in either my past or my future. I'm interested
only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present,
you'll be a happy man. You'll see that there is life in the desert,
that there are starts in the heavens, and that tribes men fight
because they are part of the human race. Life will be a party for you,
a grand festival, because life is the moment we're living right now."

By Rush.

Nowadays, a lot of songs are on (a) love, (b) lust/sex, or (c) both. Finding a song NOT on such a topic is a real caveat, but today I chanced upon an old favourite. There's even a Wikipedia entry on this song: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freewill_(song)


I like this quote from Wikipedia, "The song's lyrics deal with the subject of free will, emphasizing that free will is not a gift but rather a choice; explaining that Man can attempt to evade the fact that he must choose, but that evasion is itself a choice"

Chorus:

 

You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice.

If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.

You can choose from phantom fears and kindness that can kill;

I will choose a path that's clear

I will choose freewill.

 

 

There are those who think that they were dealt a losing hand,

The cards were stacked against them; they weren't born in Lotusland.

All preordained

A prisoner in chains

A victim of venomous fate.

Kicked in the face,

You can't pray for a place

In heaven's unearthly estate.

 

 

[Chorus]

 

Each of us

A cell of awareness

Imperfect and incomplete.

Genetic blends

With uncertain ends

On a fortune hunt that's far too fleet.

 

 

[Chorus]

 

Note: Lotus-land is mentioned in 'The Odyssey', whereby Odysseus goes to the land of Lotus-eaters. The folks there hang out and eat lotus petals, and are perfectly happy but completely brainless.

Damn I love my literature background. Muahahaha.

By Brian McFadden... A touching song I heard.


Did I hear you right
'Cause I thought you said
Let's think it over

You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where a love once shined so bright
Came without a reason

Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's 
Not enough
But when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here

I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me 

Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Please protect me

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered how it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's 
Not enough
But when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'Cause you're only almost here

Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered now it hurts 
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you, you're almost here
(Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you)
And when I hold you, you're almost here
(Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted)
(Now I'm with you, I'm close to tears
'Cause I know I'm almost here)
Only almost here

Here's something I read today. Off the blog of another. It's so well-said; i'll just copy and paste it here. See original source at http://abrahampenrose.wordpress.com/2011/11/01/7-billion-munchkins/ if you wish.

------------------------------------------------------

As the world groans beneath our collective weight, our last hope against overpopulation is….birth control pills and condoms.

A baby unborn is 5000 square kilometres of forest spared, and pristine water uncorrupted. He or she does not pollute the environment with plastic bags, and does not disturb the peaceful rest of dinosaurs converted to oil. This nonexistent being never causes pollution; never drives an animal to extinction. He or she does not add to the traffic jam, nor to the subway.

The nonperson’s homework does not cause grievous injury to trees; the pandas are spared their habitat. Birds can shit on the forest floor instead of a car. A number of fish will be spared life in a bowl, and even more will never be taken to a plate. Several hundred chickens did not get their heads cut off.

Two people die in their old age with a little less joy. Yet the world rejoiced. Not because of anything they did. But something they didn’t do.

I was supposed to arrive about 7pm, Canadian Time, at Pearson airport.

Thanks to the delay however, I ended up there at TWO FRIGGIN' AM instead, due to the following reasons:

(i) Massive delay in Shanghai (transit). Like, 5 hours.

(ii) Instead of flying direct to Toronto after the delay, the plane had to stopover at VANCOUVER. >.<

(iii) At Vancouver, one of the random passengers got lost and the plane had to wait for him.... and even after he was found, the plane had to wait for the sandwiches that were supposed to be delivered as our lunch??? The sandwiches took a whole hour to arrive, and when they DID get here the crew realised they were delivered in a truck that wasn't HIGH enough and couldn't be loaded onto the plane.

By then people were saying, screw the sandwiches, let's just take off.

(iv) The final straw: After landing in Toronto, our baggage got delayed. The control tower DIDN'T KNOW we were arriving, and subsequently didn't prepare a conveyor belt for the passengers' luggage abroad our flight. (Later I learnt from the ladies that my flight details didn't even show up on the arrival flight chart in the international arrival hall. wtf)

ANYWAYS, I AM IN CANADA, WHOOOOO! Special thanks to the two ladies who drove allllllll the way from Greek Town to Pearson to get me in the ungodly hours of the morning as well as the Hot Chocolate I was given later. You ladies are truly godsent~


Funny story on the side:

In Vancouver, when the plane landed there was a change of flight crew. Thanks to the last minute flight changes, i reckoned that Air Canada just grabbed whoever they could find as crew replacements, and bestowed upon the passengers (mostly from Shanghai, China) a predominantly FRENCH-speaking crew. It's as if they just hailed off a bunch of people from Montreal. LOL.

The result: All announcements in the plane came in (i) French (ii) English (iii) Cantonese and (iv) very, very, VERY badly broken Mandarin. LOLz.

And of course, I ended up as an English-Chinese translator for the 6 or 7 people seated around my area.

LOL moment of the day: French strewardress asked what I wanted to drink... in French. Yeap i had no idea what words she said but it was pretty obvious. I replied 'juice' and she asked what kind. My most awesome reply,

"JE SU UN ANANAS"

(Translated: I am a pineapple)

I meant to say "Je veux d'ananas" (I want pineapple). LOLOLOLOL.




P.S.
I made strawberry-crasin-walnut muffins. They're in the oven now and will pop out in a few mins. The house smells heavenly of baked fruits and cinnamon. :D :D :D :D :D

 

It was one of those days whereby Dad, in his increasingly old age, was grousing about the unpredictability in life. He recalled the Singapore Airlines' accident in Taipei. See:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singapore_Airlines_Flight_006

Now, SIA has prided itself on being one of the safest, best-customer-serviced and well-reputed airlines globally. The news shocked Asia cause well, obviously, no one foresaw it happening. After all, "It's SINGAPORE AIRLINES, man! Not some random seedy company from India or Indonesia or East Timor which may have substandard safety!"  

Apologies to readers from those countries, I'm just quoting my Dad. He's basically saying that everything we knew about SIA shattered in an instant. 

Now, Dad was a lil' more affected than the average news-reader out there for a good reason: His friend's son and daughter-in-law had perished in the crash. 

Dad, "It was really unfortunate. My friend's son (grown dude in his 30s) and his wife was originally flying by Malaysian Airlines. And the father, who is my friend, didn't like it. He insisted that Malaysian Airlines wasn't safe, and the customer service poor. He worried for the safety and comfort of his son. So he changed his son's flight to Singapore Airlines. And that same place crashed in Taipei."

Me, "Ouch. That's horrible."

Dad, "My friend felt really terrible for a long time. Of course it's no one's fault, but he really regretted it. You know, he was such a good son. Had a good business running, was earning a lot of money, was filial to his parents, and had such a nice lovely wife, and she was pregnant! It's such a big waste. Life is so unpredictable and sometimes, you know, and i......"

I let my dad ramble on. My thoughts were caught dead with a few words.

"He was such a good son"

"It's such a big waste"

I wondered, what if this young man - blessed be his soul - wasn't a "good son", in the typical societal/Malaysian-Chinese sense of the world? Would his death have been any less devastating? Would his parents mourn any less? If he had been a "bad" son or even an "average" son, would it have mattered in the first place?

Apparently my Dad seems to think so. Like a lot of typical Chinese parents, the departure of a 'model' child with talent (i.e. money-generating skills) is far sadder than a regular/below-average kid who didn't "make it" out there. 

What if he had been the son of a hawker? In some ways, wouldn't the loss be greater since those who have less value what they have even more? But yet saying that would imply that poverty makes misers out of us, and that wealth makes us indifferent to humanity.

What if the deceased was disabled, or mentally challenged, or suffering from debilitating  physical or psychological issues? Would people be glad to see them gone?

Why do we have so much value judgements? (The fact that I'm blogging about this shows that even this kind of thinking is somewhat ingrained in my head, even if only subconsciously. Gah!)


(Side note on Christian perspectives: Clearly, what we humans value are different from what God values. I need to seek Him more, and not the approval of the world. Seeing the world may be depressing or disappointing. It is vital, that we are able to see our place in God's eyes)

Though it ain't a public holiday in Singapore, though i'd still brave through the Friday night traffic jam across the causeway, though I don't get poutine or Canadian beer, i still want to say,

HAPPY CANADA DAY!!!

This post is dedicated to all my friends in Canada. I love ya' all~

A moment of 'missing you' sometimes comes suddenly, like when I realised that I have been conditioned to feel like sweets when I don't get that in return, or when I heard that a friend from Canada may come to visit Singapore while I'm there and that leads me to all the wonderful memories we have from Canada. Or when I all of a sudden realise that a song that I used to hear from childhood can be given interpretation - that the song is about a person like you. I miss you very much. Looking forward to coming to Singapore... 

(Do not read if unable to accept anything positive about Christianity. Do not read if you're one of those argumentative types who insist that this-is-not-God-it-is-other-things. Well... actually, you may be right and I may be wrong. But what i really mean is, do not approach this blog post if you're bent on debunking God.)


My walk with God has recently involved lots of prayer sessions (mostly in tongues). Perhaps it's time to document some of my thoughts.

Sometimes I fail to find the words myself; so perhaps letting another person tell his story of a struggle is the way to go. An example of worldly things that humans struggle with: a sad yet hopeful story (see link):



http://www.scribd.com/doc/299378/Why-Christian-Pastors-Commit-Adultery-The-True-Story-of-One-Mans-Struggle-With-Lust



----------------------------------------------------
Some personal thoughts of my own that i'll throw in (Please read the above link FIRST before reading my analysis or the breakdown of my thought process below. Seriously):
-----------------------------------------------------

Humans possess their own versions of 'idols'. Thousands of years ago it was all the 'false Gods' which presumably lead to witch burnings and practices of human sacrifice, etc. Today the picture is less obvious; 'false gods' or 'idols' still exist - but in the form of things we worship - money, status, food, pleasure, security.

All are things that are not sustainable.

Unfortunately, when we worship those things of this world, we start becoming like those idols, and chasing after worldly needs. Letting worldly desires (or idolatry) permeate and dominate our lives.

As we walk towards these wordly things, we walk away from God. We tell ourselves 'it's okay, He is full of Grace, God will forgive us' - but it's not about God's rules or things the Church demands from her believers.

It's about reaping the consequences of a life preoccupied with such things.

Perhaps sometimes, the problem isn't the sin itself, or selfishness, or the chasing of money/status/lust/other worldly desires. The problem is that when other unsustainable things become a priority, in the process, we end up not focused on God and the fruits of the Holy Spirit. Worshipping the wrong things in this world distances us from God, thus denying ourselves true peace.

Sin isn't about doing what's wrong or unjust. It isn't even about morals or ethics (Hell, Morals and Ethics can be kind of debatable anyway). Rather, Sin is a rebellion against God; it is a rebellion against what God ordained as right and true.

The problem with humans is perhaps, maybe after sinning, we do not approach God with TRUE repentance (i.e. turning away from old habits). We go to God hoping that he'd take away our guilt and solve the problem.

In other words, people don't confess their sins in a spirit of brokenness which truly acknowledge that they have rebelled against God. They merely go to God saying that they're sorry/apologetic for the unforthcoming circumstances they've found themselves in.

A fatal absence of 'Godly sorrow'. Yet fullness of 'Worldly Sorrow' for the shit they got. (I know i'm guilty of it; the only real difference between me and other people is that I've got the guts to admit it. Hah). Think the verse from 2 Corinthians 7:10, "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but wordly sorrow brings death."

With wordly sorrow, naturally, as time passes, the guilt goes away, and the bad habits all kick in again. The failure to grieve because of One's rebellion towards God (or rather, sin) is a failure to admit that there was severe poverty in the Spirit.

Perhaps sometimes, even just saying, "God, I'm a truly broken man, a sinner, and I need YOU in my life" is the way to go.



-------------------

Which brings me to another point: Freedom in living.

What's really TRUE freedom? Many people can tell me it's something about human rights - the right to live, right to eat, right to sleep, right to live your life the way you want to. The right to CHOOSE your life. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Hell, during my University days, I learnt a lot about human rights and our responsibility to fight for them. After all it's hard to be free if our rights - to resources, education, employment, fair treatment, etc - are violated. (Actually, these so-called 'rights' I'm referring to are sovereignties, but let's not argue about the definition for now)

But... I don't know. What happens when we live our lives thinking that we're absolutely entitled to all these rights? And, what happens when one of those rights become the very thing that enslave us?

Take for example, someone says, "I have the right to smoke" and he starts smoking a few stick a day. Inevitably addiction would kick in; soon he'll be smoking a whole packet a day, two packets a day, perhaps more. But hey, it's his right to do whatever he wants, isn't it?

He will have a RIGHT.... but will he be FREE? In smoking, he becomes controlled by the bad habit of addiction. That doesn't sound like the freedom to do as you please anymore.

Or the love of money. Hoard it and you worry that it will get lost/stolen/made in wrong investments. Live in an expensive house and worry that you will get robbed. Earn a bit more and your sense of self-worth increases, earn less and you feel like shit. Give more to your parents and they think they love you more, give less and they doubt your love. We're all free to earn money as we deem fit. And get as much of it as possible. But are we FREE in our hearts, FREE in our spirit, in doing so?

It's the same with other bad habits of any sort - if we keep thinking that I want to steal/lie/cheat/watch porn/be emotional/hate somebody/indulge in wordly desires, we're going to be controlled by these bad habits. We're going to be enslaved by these things. It may seem strange to the world, but perhaps the only way to be free is to surrender our rights and personal desires to God. Kind of like what Jesus did - HE had the right to live, sleep, fait treatment, marry, own property, earn money, be respected, be loved. And he gave up all of it to fulfill God's greater plan in building His Heavenly Kingdom.

True freedom, i think, is like flying a kite; reign it in with the strings and the kite will soar, cut the strings off and it will fall. Such freedom is the freedom found in slaves who joyfully serve, in leaders who exalt their men/women above themselves, and in those caught in unforthcoming circumstances but still praise God with no reservations.

A life that walks very closely with God is insanely hard to keep to. But it is a life that is free from the bondage of Sin.

Something to think about.

------------

Note: I may not express myself very well for some of the points mentioned above. If I've said something that can be interepreted in more than one way, and if one of the ways offends you, I meant the other one.

http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article6342116.ece

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/jun/14/polly-vernon-childlessness-cameron-diaz-babies


The world automatically assumes that kids come naturally after marriage. I'd say to them: marriage is one thing, and kids is an entirely different thing.

To all women out there who experience great pressure to have kids, I feel ya, I really do. I've had countless moments when friends, relatives and even strangers come up and ask "When is your turn?" and get taken aback when I tell them, "I never want children." Their faces fall, as if to say, how DARE she have the AUDACITY to deny the chance of motherhood!

And the next question that follows will always be, "What about your husband? Doesn't HE want kids?"

Sigh.

Thank you, World. Don't you know that most of the responsibility of caring for kids are still primarily the women's responsibility? How often do men think about childcare? Or readily give up their career to care for their offspring? Or even CONSIDER how to balance their families and career? In my own sad experience, men can only think of how much fun it is to play with the child - perhaps with an occasional bottlefeed or diaper change. It's the woman who will bear the burden of pregnancy + giving birth + taking care of it. Even if the father DOES want to be involved, few of them want to deal with the day-to-day responsibility of how much hard work it is. For most guys I know, having their precious sleep disturbed by a wailing baby would be more than enough hardship to bear.

Just like when I lived in Norway. The statements the world threw in my face - OF COUSRE I'd give up my life and career and everything to be a housewife there. OF COURSE i was lucky to be able to live in Europe (nevermind maladjustment issues). OF COURSE i was blessed that I didn't NEED to work cause the hubby was earning enough. OF COURSE I should stick around with him if i cared for him. OF COURSE. No one questions anything when a woman sacrifices for a man.

And then I left him to have my own life in Singapore/Malaysia. And I faced immense opposition. HOW DARE SHE abandon her husband and leave the poor fella alone in Norway? HOW DARE SHE desire her own career. HOW DARE SHE want her own life! HOW DARE SHE not support the man she married! HOW can she NOT sacrifice for him? HOW DARE SHE be so selfish!

You know, world, if a woman stays at home and takes cares of the kids, she's a wife/mother. If a man does that, he's a bloody saint.

If a man goes abroad to work (while leaving his wife and kids behind), he's earning a living + providing for them. If a woman does that, she's abandoning her family.

Of course, with increasing equality in gender roles worldwide (although much is still left to be desired), a lot of men are feeling that the world's starting to get dominated by women.

It's like, at the very juncture women lay footprints on the wet concrete of human history and start making great strides - the moment they stopped consulting men before coming to their own decisions - that's when the men start to panic. They start to feel that they're 'losing out' to girl power/the feminist movement and what-not. Sigh. You'd think that with dudes feeling that way, they'd gain some understading of what dudettes have been through and appreciate how hard we've fought for a desire to be EQUAL. Yet men still somehow believe that they are deserving of unconditional power and that they're #1 in society just because they've got a damn penis between their legs.

To all the men out there: When you start to feel completely alienated, marginalized, and rejected by society, welcome to the lives of your female counterparts.

As I am supremely lazy to pen down all my thoughts/summarize them, I shall just copy and paste some links that I've been reading: 


1) Education: The Phd Factory

http://www.nature.com/news/2011/110420/full/472276a.html



2) Why I left my Children

http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2011/02/28/leaving_my_children/index.html




3) What if Jesus meant all that stuff?

http://www.esquire.com/features/best-and-brightest-2009/shane-claiborne-1209