(Do not read if unable to accept anything positive about Christianity. Do not read if you're one of those argumentative types who insist that this-is-not-God-it-is-other-things. Well... actually, you may be right and I may be wrong. But what i really mean is, do not approach this blog post if you're bent on debunking God.)
My walk with God has recently involved lots of prayer sessions (mostly in tongues). Perhaps it's time to document some of my thoughts.
Sometimes I fail to find the words myself; so perhaps letting another person tell his story of a struggle is the way to go. An example of worldly things that humans struggle with: a sad yet hopeful story (see link):
http://www.scribd.com/doc/299378/Why-Christian-Pastors-Commit-Adultery-The-True-Story-of-One-Mans-Struggle-With-Lust ----------------------------------------------------
Some personal thoughts of my own that i'll throw in (Please read the above link FIRST before reading my analysis or the breakdown of my thought process below. Seriously):
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Humans possess their own versions of 'idols'. Thousands of years ago it was all the 'false Gods' which presumably lead to witch burnings and practices of human sacrifice, etc. Today the picture is less obvious; 'false gods' or 'idols' still exist - but in the form of things we worship - money, status, food, pleasure, security.
All are things that are not sustainable.
Unfortunately, when we worship those things of this world, we start becoming like those idols, and chasing after worldly needs. Letting worldly desires (or idolatry) permeate and dominate our lives.
As we walk towards these wordly things, we walk away from God. We tell ourselves 'it's okay, He is full of Grace, God will forgive us' - but it's not about God's rules or things the Church demands from her believers.
It's about reaping the consequences of a life preoccupied with such things.
Perhaps sometimes, the problem isn't the sin itself, or selfishness, or the chasing of money/status/lust/other worldly desires. The problem is that when other unsustainable things become a priority, in the process, we end up not focused on God and the fruits of the Holy Spirit. Worshipping the wrong things in this world distances us from God, thus denying ourselves true peace.
Sin isn't about doing what's wrong or unjust. It isn't even about morals or ethics (Hell, Morals and Ethics can be kind of debatable anyway). Rather, Sin is a rebellion against God; it is a rebellion against what God ordained as right and true.
The problem with humans is perhaps, maybe after sinning, we do not approach God with TRUE repentance (i.e. turning away from old habits). We go to God hoping that he'd take away our guilt and solve the problem.
In other words, people don't confess their sins in a spirit of brokenness which truly acknowledge that they have rebelled against God. They merely go to God saying that they're sorry/apologetic for the unforthcoming circumstances they've found themselves in.
A fatal absence of 'Godly sorrow'. Yet fullness of 'Worldly Sorrow' for the shit they got. (I know i'm guilty of it; the only real difference between me and other people is that I've got the guts to admit it. Hah). Think the verse from 2 Corinthians 7:10, "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but wordly sorrow brings death."
With wordly sorrow, naturally, as time passes, the guilt goes away, and the bad habits all kick in again. The failure to grieve because of One's rebellion towards God (or rather, sin) is a failure to admit that there was severe poverty in the Spirit.
Perhaps sometimes, even just saying, "God, I'm a truly broken man, a sinner, and I need YOU in my life" is the way to go.
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Which brings me to another point: Freedom in living.
What's really TRUE freedom? Many people can tell me it's something about human rights - the right to live, right to eat, right to sleep, right to live your life the way you want to. The right to CHOOSE your life. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Hell, during my University days, I learnt a lot about human rights and our responsibility to fight for them. After all it's hard to be free if our rights - to resources, education, employment, fair treatment, etc - are violated. (Actually, these so-called 'rights' I'm referring to are sovereignties, but let's not argue about the definition for now)
But... I don't know. What happens when we live our lives thinking that we're absolutely entitled to all these rights? And, what happens when one of those rights become the very thing that enslave us?
Take for example, someone says, "I have the right to smoke" and he starts smoking a few stick a day. Inevitably addiction would kick in; soon he'll be smoking a whole packet a day, two packets a day, perhaps more. But hey, it's his right to do whatever he wants, isn't it?
He will have a RIGHT.... but will he be
FREE? In smoking, he becomes controlled by the bad habit of addiction. That doesn't sound like the freedom to do as you please anymore.
Or the love of money. Hoard it and you worry that it will get lost/stolen/made in wrong investments. Live in an expensive house and worry that you will get robbed. Earn a bit more and your sense of self-worth increases, earn less and you feel like shit. Give more to your parents and they think they love you more, give less and they doubt your love. We're all free to earn money as we deem fit. And get as much of it as possible. But are we FREE in our hearts, FREE in our spirit, in doing so?
It's the same with other bad habits of any sort - if we keep thinking that I want to steal/lie/cheat/watch porn/be emotional/hate somebody/indulge in wordly desires, we're going to be controlled by these bad habits. We're going to be enslaved by these things. It may seem strange to the world, but perhaps the only way to be free is to surrender our rights and personal desires to God. Kind of like what Jesus did - HE had the right to live, sleep, fait treatment, marry, own property, earn money, be respected, be loved. And he gave up all of it to fulfill God's greater plan in building His Heavenly Kingdom.
True freedom, i think, is like flying a kite; reign it in with the strings and the kite will soar, cut the strings off and it will fall. Such freedom is the freedom found in slaves who joyfully serve, in leaders who exalt their men/women above themselves, and in those caught in unforthcoming circumstances but still praise God with no reservations.
A life that walks very closely with God is insanely hard to keep to. But it is a life that is free from the bondage of Sin.
Something to think about.
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Note: I may not express myself very well for some of the points mentioned above. If I've said something that can be interepreted in more than one way, and if one of the ways offends you, I meant the other one.