Baking Dreams

This song always comforts when I'm feeling down. Been listening to it quite frequently these days; it's a reminder that man's weakness is the beginning of God's strength.

The original song was sung by Whitney Houston:




On Youtube, I've found two versions - Houston's is classical, but I felt more drawn to another more modern version by Selah. Am sharing both of them here :)

Original by Houston: www.youtube.com/watch
Version by Selah: www.youtube.com/watch (Note: this version comes with an amazing testimony. Skip to 3:38 for music)


"I Look To You"

As I lay me down,
Heaven hear me now.
I'm lost without a cause
After giving it my all.

Winter storms have come
And darkened my sun.
After all that I've been through
Who on earth can I turn to?

I look to you.
I look to you.
After all my strength is gone,
In you I can be strong
I look to you.
I look to you.
And when melodies are gone,
In you I hear a song.
I look to you.

About to lose my breathe,
There's no more fighting left,
Sinking to rise no more,
Searching for that open door.

And every road that I've taken
Lead to my regret.
And I don't know if I'm going to make it.
Nothing to do but lift my head

I look to you.
I look to you.
After all my strength is gone,
In you I can be strong
I look to you.
I look to you.
And when melodies are gone,
In you I hear a song.
I look to you.

My levees are broken
My walls have come
Tumbling down on me

The rain is falling.
Defeat is calling.
I need you to set me free.

Take me far away from the battle.
I need you.
Shine on me.

I look to you.
I look to you.
After all my strength is gone,
In you I can be strong
I look to you.
I look to you.
And when melodies are gone,
In you I hear a song.
I look to you.

 

"The devil wants you to be looking at you. When you feel guilty, you're looking at yourself.When you look at yourself, you'll see shortcomings and ugliness. But God sees us in Christ, and in His eyes, we are holy, righteous, and full of glory. Don't focus on yourself. Keep your focus on Christ." - Pastor Joseph Prince


I don't usually write about the bible, but today I felt compelled to do so. I read a Solid Rock magazine today and one of the articles really caught my attention. The message, preached by Pastor Joseph Prince, is worth sharing. 

"For the law was taught through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ." -- John 1:17

According to the article, God's grace came through Christ's sacrifice on the cross and believers should no longer be living in guilt and condemnation. There is nothing wrong with the law - the law is holy, but it can't make us holy. The law is righteous, but it can't make us righteous.

Therefore, only grace, not law, can cause people to be holy. Under the law, you have broken all of God's commandments when you break one. Under grace - believing ONE thing - that you are righteous because of the blood of Jesus christ - allows Jesus to become OUR righteousness. The covering of Jesus' blood lets God see us the way he sees Jesus - complete, unblemished, holy, and loved just as God loved his precious son. 

The article did cautioned that living under grace, however, is no excuse to sin. He explained that the law brings unrest; people abide by the rules because of the rules. But for those who rest under grace, they can walk with God and will want to do what is right because they have received His love. Only grace itself, can transform the heart. 

Pastor Joseph Prince shared that he used to preach law and sin until God showed him a revelation in the Bible. He found that the children of Israel lived under pure grace in their journey from Egypt to Mt Sinai. They kept complaining but God never punished them. However, when they chose self-righteousness at the foot of Mount Sinai by saying, "All that the Lord says we can do," (Exodus 19:8) God let them live under the law since they asked for it. And because they placed themselves under the law and were unholy, God had to keep a distance and punish them from that time on whenever they complained.

In the bible, there were only two persons - the Roman centurion and the Canaanite woman - whom Jesus said had "great faith". Pastor Prince enquired why this was so, and God revealed that it's because they were both Gentiles. Gentiles, during those days, were not under the law. Therefore, they were not under condemnation and did not disqualify themselves from receiving. Instead, they were conscious of the grace of Jesus Christ. 

It is important to note that law and grace CANNOT be mixed. Many preachers do try to balance the presentation of grace and law. But, what man calls "balance", Jesus calls "mixture". Jesus himself once said that the new wine of grace cannot be put into the old wineskin of law, because you will lose both. It is either being completely under law or under grace. 


"Moreover the law entered that the offense might abound. But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more" - Romans 5:20


The main takeaway, I feel, is to understand what EXACTLY is Grace. Grace is the UNEARNED, UNMERITED, and UNDESERVED favour of God. We do not receive it by trying to be deserving of it, by our own works and effort. We receive it simply by believing that Jesus died for our sins. God hates sin as it destroys lives and relationships, but sin is not overcome by our own works or relying on our willpower to overcome it. The devil will constantly remind us, "You still EXPECT God's blessing after you messed up again?" This is when we must remind ourselves that Christ alone, is our perfection and righteousness. None of us are without faults, and none of us infallible humans are qualified for God's blessing by our own merit. That is WHY we plead the grace of God - which is again, which is the unearned, unmerited, and deeply, deeply, undeserving love of the Father towards us.

Something to think about.

2011 was a year of many adjustments. (Those who know me well will understand this phrase well enough). Here's the transformations experienced this year...



Career growth

2010 was a dead year, with endless job applications and zero result. The decision to quit Norway and move to Singapore/Malaysia in 2011 greatly turned this situation around. I landed a great job which I liked and blessed me with good working experience.

The 2012 goal will be to take on more responsibilities at work. And be more accurate in my copyediting.



Friendships

In 2010, my quest to make new friends in Norway was near dismal. Social interaction was limited to talking with the bff on gmail chat and random skype dates here and there. It was not an experience I'd want to repeat.

Highlight for 2011: I still love my girls in Canada, and nothing can ever replace them. When I heard that Jen + JC were going to tie the know, a decision was made to fly all the way from Singapore to Canada to attend their wedding. One of the best choices I've made this year - it was a good holiday, a shopping fiesta, a reunion, a nostalgic trip down memory lane and an awesome wedding all rolled into one. And I actually finished my aeroplan miles when I redeemed for that long-distance plane ticket. LOL.

Old friendships were revived: seeing my bff on a regular basis was pure joy, and so was meeting up with high school friends. Makes you realise that it was 10 years since you graduated from the O Levels!

Apart from that, I also made many new friends in Singapore - mostly from the lifegroup at church. I was so blessed to have a lifegroup which comprised mainly of Malaysians working in Singapore, too! Being able to fellowship with other Christians on a regular basis also improved spiritual growth, which leads to...



Spiritual Matters

2010 saw the wheels of forgiveness in action. Letting go of a lot of past and starting anew. This may seem small but it was a crucial step in laying the foundation for a walk with God.

There was multiple spiritual breakthrough in 2011: better understanding of grace (especially grace vs law), repentance, drawing closer to god, prayer and fasting, more prayer for other people instead of myself, and understanding the need for evangelism.

There's much to be desired in this department, however. Regular devotional habits need to take place. Also, currently, I mainly read the bible and pray only on the MRT on the way to work. Such actions, i tend to justify with the lack of time. But this means that I'm only giving God what is convenient. HE has to come first, in all matters, and be given the best, not a convenient time slot.

(Time to replace the MRT bible with a Nintendo DS. :P )



Family

Relationship improved with my mother and first brother beyond my imagination. This i attribute to the grace of God, who has the power to heal all brokenness. I also started giving $$ to my father and aunt, and since then they started to see me in a different light. More respect, less nagging, more personal autonomy and more say in household matters.

The marriage, however, went downhill. Being on long-distance, although necessary for sanity (and it allowed growth for all these other areas), made it hard to sustain. We're still trying. Hopefully as soon as the hubby finishes his PhD, the long distance will end and things would get better. Our vows "for better or worse" have never been more relevant.



Others

Health things: Got a gym membership. I workout regularly now, and I feel better, too. During the University days I used to dance salsa intensely at least 3 times a week, in addition to the random swimming and long-walks. Having an office job makes it so easy to have a sedentary life, so I try to combat it by going for my gym's classes at least 3-4 times a week.

And I developed a newfound love for Yoga. Hehehe.

Habits: Sadly, I stopped cooking. There was no motivation to cook just for one person.



Here's wishing a blessed-filled year for 2012, greater breakthroughs on personal fronts, improved career, family, relational and spiritual aspects, and for a wonderful year ahead!

(Do not read if unable to accept anything positive about Christianity. Do not read if you're one of those argumentative types who insist that this-is-not-God-it-is-other-things. Well... actually, you may be right and I may be wrong. But what i really mean is, do not approach this blog post if you're bent on debunking God.)


My walk with God has recently involved lots of prayer sessions (mostly in tongues). Perhaps it's time to document some of my thoughts.

Sometimes I fail to find the words myself; so perhaps letting another person tell his story of a struggle is the way to go. An example of worldly things that humans struggle with: a sad yet hopeful story (see link):



http://www.scribd.com/doc/299378/Why-Christian-Pastors-Commit-Adultery-The-True-Story-of-One-Mans-Struggle-With-Lust



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Some personal thoughts of my own that i'll throw in (Please read the above link FIRST before reading my analysis or the breakdown of my thought process below. Seriously):
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Humans possess their own versions of 'idols'. Thousands of years ago it was all the 'false Gods' which presumably lead to witch burnings and practices of human sacrifice, etc. Today the picture is less obvious; 'false gods' or 'idols' still exist - but in the form of things we worship - money, status, food, pleasure, security.

All are things that are not sustainable.

Unfortunately, when we worship those things of this world, we start becoming like those idols, and chasing after worldly needs. Letting worldly desires (or idolatry) permeate and dominate our lives.

As we walk towards these wordly things, we walk away from God. We tell ourselves 'it's okay, He is full of Grace, God will forgive us' - but it's not about God's rules or things the Church demands from her believers.

It's about reaping the consequences of a life preoccupied with such things.

Perhaps sometimes, the problem isn't the sin itself, or selfishness, or the chasing of money/status/lust/other worldly desires. The problem is that when other unsustainable things become a priority, in the process, we end up not focused on God and the fruits of the Holy Spirit. Worshipping the wrong things in this world distances us from God, thus denying ourselves true peace.

Sin isn't about doing what's wrong or unjust. It isn't even about morals or ethics (Hell, Morals and Ethics can be kind of debatable anyway). Rather, Sin is a rebellion against God; it is a rebellion against what God ordained as right and true.

The problem with humans is perhaps, maybe after sinning, we do not approach God with TRUE repentance (i.e. turning away from old habits). We go to God hoping that he'd take away our guilt and solve the problem.

In other words, people don't confess their sins in a spirit of brokenness which truly acknowledge that they have rebelled against God. They merely go to God saying that they're sorry/apologetic for the unforthcoming circumstances they've found themselves in.

A fatal absence of 'Godly sorrow'. Yet fullness of 'Worldly Sorrow' for the shit they got. (I know i'm guilty of it; the only real difference between me and other people is that I've got the guts to admit it. Hah). Think the verse from 2 Corinthians 7:10, "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but wordly sorrow brings death."

With wordly sorrow, naturally, as time passes, the guilt goes away, and the bad habits all kick in again. The failure to grieve because of One's rebellion towards God (or rather, sin) is a failure to admit that there was severe poverty in the Spirit.

Perhaps sometimes, even just saying, "God, I'm a truly broken man, a sinner, and I need YOU in my life" is the way to go.



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Which brings me to another point: Freedom in living.

What's really TRUE freedom? Many people can tell me it's something about human rights - the right to live, right to eat, right to sleep, right to live your life the way you want to. The right to CHOOSE your life. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Hell, during my University days, I learnt a lot about human rights and our responsibility to fight for them. After all it's hard to be free if our rights - to resources, education, employment, fair treatment, etc - are violated. (Actually, these so-called 'rights' I'm referring to are sovereignties, but let's not argue about the definition for now)

But... I don't know. What happens when we live our lives thinking that we're absolutely entitled to all these rights? And, what happens when one of those rights become the very thing that enslave us?

Take for example, someone says, "I have the right to smoke" and he starts smoking a few stick a day. Inevitably addiction would kick in; soon he'll be smoking a whole packet a day, two packets a day, perhaps more. But hey, it's his right to do whatever he wants, isn't it?

He will have a RIGHT.... but will he be FREE? In smoking, he becomes controlled by the bad habit of addiction. That doesn't sound like the freedom to do as you please anymore.

Or the love of money. Hoard it and you worry that it will get lost/stolen/made in wrong investments. Live in an expensive house and worry that you will get robbed. Earn a bit more and your sense of self-worth increases, earn less and you feel like shit. Give more to your parents and they think they love you more, give less and they doubt your love. We're all free to earn money as we deem fit. And get as much of it as possible. But are we FREE in our hearts, FREE in our spirit, in doing so?

It's the same with other bad habits of any sort - if we keep thinking that I want to steal/lie/cheat/watch porn/be emotional/hate somebody/indulge in wordly desires, we're going to be controlled by these bad habits. We're going to be enslaved by these things. It may seem strange to the world, but perhaps the only way to be free is to surrender our rights and personal desires to God. Kind of like what Jesus did - HE had the right to live, sleep, fait treatment, marry, own property, earn money, be respected, be loved. And he gave up all of it to fulfill God's greater plan in building His Heavenly Kingdom.

True freedom, i think, is like flying a kite; reign it in with the strings and the kite will soar, cut the strings off and it will fall. Such freedom is the freedom found in slaves who joyfully serve, in leaders who exalt their men/women above themselves, and in those caught in unforthcoming circumstances but still praise God with no reservations.

A life that walks very closely with God is insanely hard to keep to. But it is a life that is free from the bondage of Sin.

Something to think about.

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Note: I may not express myself very well for some of the points mentioned above. If I've said something that can be interepreted in more than one way, and if one of the ways offends you, I meant the other one.

Recently, God has been doing things - both in my life and in the lives of those around me. He's blessed me with a suitable job within three weeks of my return, improved my mother's moods, lessened my father's tendency to get entangled in shady business projects, aided me in a long-overdue issue that badly needed repentance, and most of all, brought my first brother to Christ.

Yes, there is still lots to do. I can very well argue that enough isn't being done - My mom's still horribly ill-tempered at times; emotionally and mentally unstable and prone to random outbursts. Dad has the occasional thing going on still; even if it is lessened his tendencies still EXIST. Both my parents, my youngest brother, and all my in-laws - they still do not know God.

But in all fairness, God is good; never did I dream that God will actually answer the prayer of guiding someone else in my family to become a Christian.... something which I once thought was impossible but the Holy Spirit kept me believing via the power of prayer.

And God eventually proved himself faithful.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight" -- Proverbs 3: 5-6

Heavenly father, I pray that you will watch over my brother and guide him so that he may have a good relationship with you, so that he will come to experience joy and peace that only you can provide, and that he will use his life as a living sacrifice to be an example to others around him. In Jesus name, Amen~

"So we fix our eyes on not what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."  -- 2 Corinthians 4:18